The Realms Clash
by KerriJoeWhitlock
Summary: The Discworld realm and the realms of the faeries are converging, what can the witches do to stop it?
1. The Witchin'

**Chapter 1 – The Witching**

Our story begins on the Discworld, a world unlike any other. As round as an incredibly large plate, it sits on the back of four giant elephants, which stand rather comfortably I hear*, on the back of the star turtle, The Great A'tuin. Who swims steadily through time and space, carting her huge load. Around the rim of the world, a constant, thundering waterfall, falls off the edge and disappears into the vacuum of space.

On this world, we move to the valleys and mountains of the Ramtops, and in the Ramtops we go to a smallish** town, that goes by the name of Lancre. Lancre is well known for it's friendliness to outsiders, it's said that once upon a time, King Verence and Queen Magrat had even invited vampires in! As usual the witches had to clear up the mess, but now, there are new witches, and the older ones are either all dead, or starting to go to the bad.

_*Comfort is relative I suppose, but I sure know that this –is- the only time you'll ever hear of an elephant having to lift its leg so the sun or moon can go past. I believe they don't mind this, if they did, surely they'd just get off at the next stop._

_**I say smallish because to the people of Ankh-Morpork it is infact a small town, however to Lancre themselves it's rather like a small city, that is, until people from the plains come in and tell them they're wrong and it's naught but a village!_

Nanny Ogg was sat in her rocking chair by the fire, her face smiling like a wrinkled friendly apple, Greebo was curled up in a puddle of fur on her lap. Greebo is her cat, he's been described by most people as evil, and horrible.*

Various daughters-in-law were bustling around her, ironing, cleaning and cooking. Nanny Ogg didn't believe in chores, well she did, but as far as she was concerned, they were for other people.**

The only help Gytha Ogg contributed was the occasional 'You missed a bit there, dearie." Which usually brought about something similar to an eye roll and a 'Yes Nanny,' ***

_*He's a one eyed, grey ball of fur with claws who tends to attempt to attack or rape anything in sight, including a four-horsed cart if the mood so strikes him. However, to Nanny Ogg, he's still the sweet little kitten he was when she got him._

_** She always had one of her many daughters-in-law doing something for her, funny thing was, the only people in the Ogg family, whose names she couldn't remember were that of the daughters-in-law. _

_*** well, it would if you could roll your eyes at a witch without worrying about being turned into a toad and a big gloopy pink balloon._

'Blessings on this house', Granny Weatherwax strode through the door, broomstick in hand, back straight and pointy hat standing tall and proud. 'Wotcher Esme!' exclaimed Nanny Ogg, waving a little. 'Hoi, you, put on the kettle for some tea, aye?' she nodded to one of her daughters-in-law. 'Yes Nanny' The young lady replied with a curtsey, before bustling off to fill the kettle.

Granny Weatherwax sat down and murmered 'there's somethin' happenin, Gytha', Nanny Ogg nodded quietly 'I know Esme, I can feels it in me bones'. Granny shook her head 'Can't trust yer bones Gytha! You know that.' Nanny groaned 'Yes Esme, you trust the bees, I know'.* Granny grinned wryly 'Any idea what's going on?' Nanny shook her head and shrugged at the same time, it had the same kind of effect as a spinning top. 'C'mon Gytha, lets go see Magrat!'

_*Bees and Granny had a very intimate relationship, what with her borrow their minds fairly regularly. She'd taken to holding a card reading "I Aten't ded!" she decided it was a good idea as people kept thinking she was._


	2. The Queenin'

**Chapter 2 – Queening**

Nanny Ogg mumbled something incoherent under her breath, Granny's eyebrow raised and she pointedly stared at Nanny, willing her to repeat herself loud enough to be heard. "Well, it's just, Magrat is doing all that Queening malarky now, isn't she? And she has little Esme, we all know how hard it is to juggle motherhood and witchin1'", Granny Weatherwax rolled her eyes "Now Gytha, don't you lie to me, we all know you just want a cup of tea before we leave." Nanny Ogg looked sheepish and shrugged "I haven't had one in a while, Esme."

Esmerelda Weatherwax slid back into her comfortable seat beside the large hearth, the kettle whistled, signifying the water boiling. Gytha grinned and started pouring the hot water into mugs, tea leaves stewing in the bottom for a while.2 The daughters-in-law, now finished their chores, filed out of Nanny's house, the only sound being the swishing of the young ladies skirts. A short time later, there was a knock on the door. "There is a knock without", Esme murmered, "Without what?" Granny Weatherwax rolled her eyes "Just open the bloody door, Gytha. I reckon it's your Shawn." Nanny beamed as Shawn Ogg bustled quickly into the cottage. "Post mum", he mumbled quietly. "These are yours mum, this is yours Mistress Weatherwax", he handed the letters out, and hesitated "Spit it out boy", Nanny Ogg grinned. "Well mum, it's only, um, Magrat, I mean her highness, requests your presence at the castle, mum. You too Mistress Weatherwax, M'me."

After quickly drinking their tea, the witches set out to the castle.3 You could hear the sputtering of the broomsticks for miles, and all the way up in the mountains goats bleated at the upsetting noises. They touched their brooms down, just outside the castle walls, and Shawn Ogg staggered off his mums broomstick to go throw up in the bushes. Nanny Ogg chuckled to herself "He never was good with heights, our Shawn." Esme smiled and thanked a now slightly more stable Shawn for the message and letters, and they made their way in to find Queen Magrat and King Verence.

"Ah! Granny, Nanny!" Magrat says, stepping forward to greet the women with open arms.4 "You haven't come to see little Esme in forever! She's been asking when you're coming back all the time! Verence dear, go call little Esme, will you dear?" the King bustled off nodding, Magrat could get him to do anything she wanted if she fluttered her eyelashes a little.

A small girl came toddling in behind her father, her blonde hair flowing and pretty and her eyes a bright shiny blue. "Granny Weavahwaxx!" She said loudly, flying at the witches for hugs and attention.5 "Nanna Ogg!" the small energetic girl was passed between the two witches repeatedly for cuddles and fuss.

"Now, Magrat dear", Nanny Ogg began a small while later, little Esma was asleep on her lap and she was stroking the childs hair. "We're here on official witching business, dearie." Magrat didn't look surprised, she knew something had been up, she could feel it in her elbows. "What's wrong ladies?" she enquired curiously.6 "There is something afoot" Granny murmered quietly, staring at little Esme. "The realms of the Faerie Queen, and our realm are all connecting, they're joining together. We need to find out how to stop it. We're going to need a lot of witches, and a lot of practise before this works properly." Nanny chuckled "Basically, dearie, we need to banish the other realms back to where they came from, before there's grim hounds and dromes roaming the disc." Magrat nodded and sighed. "Well, let me talk to Verence, and we'll gather the other witches. You two start with Miss Level, Miss Tick, Agnes and Tiffany. I'll get Peridita, Annagrama and Mrs Earwig."7

_1__Everyone knew that Nanny Ogg had very successfully juggled witching and mothering, but everyone also knew that Magrat was no Nanny Ogg._

_2__You couldn't rush a good witchy cup of tea, it had to be strong, with so many sugars in the spoon stands up straight. If it was too hot, the witch in question would be likely to pour it in the saucer and blow on it, before drinking it out of that!_

_3__Well, they eventually set out, one Granny Weatherwax's broom had decided to start. It took time for things like that, quite frequently one would see her running up and down the hills trying to get it going._

_4__It's difficult to welcome a witch with open arms, that is unless you are one of course. Mind you, most witches just despise one another's company anyway, so I doubt it would be a regular occurance. I reckon only Magrat would have the guts to do welcome Granny Weatherwax with a hug._

_5__Children generally did cry out for attention from anyone and everyone they were close to. Seeing Granny Weatherwax dote over a child, though isn't something one should miss. It certainly shows a softer side of her._

_6__Everyone knows that it's witches business to be curious about everything. The saying "curiosity killed the cat" is only accurate because the witches are too clever to let their curiosity kill them._

_7__I'm assured Mrs Earwig is really pronounced Mrs Ahhwij, but Granny has her doubts._


End file.
